On the Morning You Were Born

A steady drizzle fell on a quiet December morning as we drove to the birthing center at 2:00 am.  I awoke at 1:30 am with contractions, and though I'd been having on and off periods of contractions with growing intensity since the night before, I felt like it was time to go.  Thankfully! The last few pieces were finally falling into place.

On the drive Jeff and I joked with nervous, jittery excitement about how obliging our little girl was being.  He had asked her to come after his last final on Wednesday night, and I had asked that she come no later than December 19th so we could be home in time for Christmas.  It was the early morning of December 19th as we drove, five hours after Jeff's last final. She was on her way not a day too early, or too soon.  Right on her time.

At the birthing center we were admitted to triage, then quickly transferred to one of only two remaining rooms in the birth center, once they discovered I had dilated to 6 cm.  Jeff and I looked at each other, "over halfway there!" we were both thinking. It was so hard to be still while they collected all the needed information and tried to get my antibiotics in.  They had trouble placing my IV and the nurse ballooned two veins.  She apologized profusely and then called for another nurse to try for a vein in my hand.

When that was finally over, I moved to laboring in the tub-IV tether, baby monitor, and all. As the contractions mounted I felt myself turn inward for strength, rocking in the tub and holding Jeff's hand while he quietly, gently coached me through my relaxation and breathing.  I surprised myself by being a quiet laborer. I was certain I'd be the one making primeval noise loud enough to wake a few long-dead cavemen, but I was much too focused to make any noise; in fact I hardly talked and at one point worried Jeff would be getting bored if I didnt say something soon. I'm pretty sure I cracked a joke-I was also surprisingly full of good humor- gave a smile, then concentrated all my effort on relaxing through contractions with little strength given to anything more.

At 9 cm my midwife moved me to the hospital bed which she positioned to mimic a birthing stool, of sorts. All around nurses rushed to ready the room for baby's arrival, and in my excitement to have made it this far without pain medication, and relief that our baby was almost in my arms, it seemed to me a good time for more jokes. Then Sue (my midwife) broke my water and I immediately felt pressure to push. That was no joke. Pushing was incredibly difficult and took so much pain endurance after already working through labor pains.  I was so exhausted that Jeff and our nurse had to hold me up on the bed.  But they didnt have to support me for long. Our girl was ready for her entrance, and after 6 long, hard pushes, she arrived.

And, oh, what a girl! At 5:49 am Elouise Lauren (we pronounce it LO-wren) arrived.  She weighed 9 lbs and measured 20.5 inches, and I just could not wait to have her in my arms.  Sue put her on my chest right away and I was immediately in awe of her wonder and beauty. All her little fingers and toes were perfect.  She had squishy arms and a round belly. Her head was covered in black hair and she had dark, depthless eyes. We called her our little native baby. I looked at Jeff and said, "We did it." And I meant all of us. Together we had accomplished a miraculous thing.

It's hard to put to words what it's like to meet the life you've created and carried. In some ways it's all new and in others, it's greeting an old and dear friend.  I felt strongly connected to Elouise, especially after her birth. It was a privilege to know exactly how much pain and strength it takes to bring a sweet soul into the world, and giving birth to her expanded my existence and generated an all-new strength within me. Marvelously difficult as it was, I wanted and was prepared for the experience, but I wouldn't have made it through without my steady Jeff. He never deviated from our plan and kept me going with his unwavering faith in me. It was a remarkably beautiful birth we all accomplished together and we have a remarkable, beautiful baby to always remind us of our courage that morning.