Call Me "Cheeks"

After Lou Lou was born and they were able to pry her away from me to do all the usual check-ups, Jeff stayed close to her and would report back to me in small snippets about all the important observations that were made.  One of my absolute favorite things he told me was, in a hushed voice, "Rach, she has jowls."

 We were then, and are still, completely in awe of this girl's cheeks.

Moving

{Sawyer boy munching on breakfast in the Denver airport security line-

that bagel started out coated in cinnamon sugar...}

Is it enough to say we moved? And be done?

Maybe if I just throw out there that we had a baby on December 19th, celebrated Christmas, packed our way through New Year's, got Jeff's official job offer, loaded our moving pods in a day, then flew out the next afternoon. Oh but we didn't get where we were going until the following day, because the airport forgot to check us in for our connecting flight, which we missed by one minute thanks to an airline delay. And it was the last flight out. So we spent the night in a hotel in Denver, without our luggage and in a major diaper emergency and finally flew safely to our new home the next afternoon. By the way, our new home is in Minnesota. It's colder here than in Alaska, hey it's even colder than Russia. It. Is. So. Cold. When our moving pods arrived a week after we did, pretty much everything was frozen and I was certain I would get frostbite from unpacking.  But let's not even talk about unpacking because that's always a drawn-out nightmare, isn't it? Suffice it to say we were pretty much camping out in our apartment-me and two small babes, all alone in the tundra-until Jeff got home at night.

So.....maybe that's enough about that.

There are so many more things that are actually pleasant to talk about, like the really solid grown-up job we were blessed to get right after Jeff graduated which kept us out of scary, unemployed limbo and launched us straight into America's middle class (we're still trying to recover from the g-force of that launch). Or how amazing that new baby is, and how spectacularly Sawyer is handling every single transition and change that has come his way.  Our little family is so amazing and in the circuitous path that life always turns out to be, I keep going to keep them going, and they, in turn, keep me going.

And here we go.
We're off on our grand, new adventure.

Sawyer's 2nd Birthday

It's one of those days that just breaks your heart.  I love to see my little boy grow and become more independent and full of words and ideas and energy. I love to get to know him better each day, and then to watch him change as he continues to learn about himself and the world. So it wasn't heartbreaking that he turned two years and left babyhood behind him, it was that he turned two and there wasn't a party with little friends running around, there wasn't a special dinner, there wasn't a birthday week that was all about his favorite things. Instead, there was a whole lot of moving and digging clothes and toys out of suitcases. He didn't mind. But I knew. And I felt terrible because I wanted to give him so much more. I wanted to celebrate the amazing little man that he's turning into and to bring some extra joy to his life because he brings me so much happiness everyday. I love my Sawyer boy. I hate to see anything about him go under-celebrated.

He blew out his candles and cheerfully chewed his candies and fish cake, and I had time to make a birthday wish myself. I wished myself to be more devoted to making his each and everyday extra special. I'll be giving him more patience, more communication, more quality playtime, more favorite foods, more opportunities for friends, more love.  Then hopefully, wishfully, despite the rocky start, he'll have the best year yet.

Bringing Home Baby

Knowing our smarty pants Sawyer, it was obvious he wasn't going to be one of those kids who lets you just sneak a new baby into his life.  Before the baby came, we talked about Elouise, showed him pictures of when he was a baby, and showed him other siblings around town. He essentially ignored us-on the outside- when we did these things, but I knew somewhere deep inside that megamind of his something was sinking in. At least I hoped.

To aid his transition from only child to sharing mama, Nana got him a baby dolly that we sewed a little blanket for and let him wrap up and burp and put to sleep.  That little baby helps him when mama is busy.  He can take care of his dolly while mama takes care of the new baby. We also got him a bringing home baby gift. We weren't convinced that Elouise would win his heart by "giving" him a gift at the hospital when he came to meet her, so we had the gift waiting at home for him as a reward (and surprise!) for being a good helper to us in bringing baby home from the hospital. We hoped it would be a pretty failure-proof idea since Sawyer loves getting packages in the mail, especially boxes, because that means he can open them with sharp things. Having something new waiting just for him helped make the moment special for him, and also redirected his attention to something positive so we had time to gush over Louie without leaving him to feel forgotten.

With all of our preparation and focus on Sawyer transitioning and Louie staying happy and safe, somehow my trophy cup got left at the hospital. I was ready to cry.  That drink mug is the ultimate "party favor," the long tall glass of water that proclaims your baby-having victory to all who see it. I waited nine long months for that mug, only to leave it behind in the rush and excitement of bringing our family of four home.

But hey, at least we didn't leave a kid behind.

Let's All Bask in Lou, Shall We?

   

   

     

She's strong and she's calm and as sweet as you please.

I hardly even knew what her cry sounded like for the first few weeks of her life. She just never cried. All she wants is milk, sleep, a quickly-changed diaper, and someone to love.

She holds you, wrapping her tiny little arm around your arm and placing her fist by your neck. It's one of the most glorious things in this world.

From the moment I first looked at her, she has looked right into me.  Most babies take a bit time to adjust to looking straight at things, or tracking movements or people with their eyes. Not this baby.  She has tracked and looked and seen since minute one.

She loves to nestle into her hands.  Mostly, she curls them up under her chin and tucks up her arms too, perching like a little precious moments figuring. Oh. Too. Cute.

On the Morning You Were Born

A steady drizzle fell on a quiet December morning as we drove to the birthing center at 2:00 am.  I awoke at 1:30 am with contractions, and though I'd been having on and off periods of contractions with growing intensity since the night before, I felt like it was time to go.  Thankfully! The last few pieces were finally falling into place.

On the drive Jeff and I joked with nervous, jittery excitement about how obliging our little girl was being.  He had asked her to come after his last final on Wednesday night, and I had asked that she come no later than December 19th so we could be home in time for Christmas.  It was the early morning of December 19th as we drove, five hours after Jeff's last final. She was on her way not a day too early, or too soon.  Right on her time.

At the birthing center we were admitted to triage, then quickly transferred to one of only two remaining rooms in the birth center, once they discovered I had dilated to 6 cm.  Jeff and I looked at each other, "over halfway there!" we were both thinking. It was so hard to be still while they collected all the needed information and tried to get my antibiotics in.  They had trouble placing my IV and the nurse ballooned two veins.  She apologized profusely and then called for another nurse to try for a vein in my hand.

When that was finally over, I moved to laboring in the tub-IV tether, baby monitor, and all. As the contractions mounted I felt myself turn inward for strength, rocking in the tub and holding Jeff's hand while he quietly, gently coached me through my relaxation and breathing.  I surprised myself by being a quiet laborer. I was certain I'd be the one making primeval noise loud enough to wake a few long-dead cavemen, but I was much too focused to make any noise; in fact I hardly talked and at one point worried Jeff would be getting bored if I didnt say something soon. I'm pretty sure I cracked a joke-I was also surprisingly full of good humor- gave a smile, then concentrated all my effort on relaxing through contractions with little strength given to anything more.

At 9 cm my midwife moved me to the hospital bed which she positioned to mimic a birthing stool, of sorts. All around nurses rushed to ready the room for baby's arrival, and in my excitement to have made it this far without pain medication, and relief that our baby was almost in my arms, it seemed to me a good time for more jokes. Then Sue (my midwife) broke my water and I immediately felt pressure to push. That was no joke. Pushing was incredibly difficult and took so much pain endurance after already working through labor pains.  I was so exhausted that Jeff and our nurse had to hold me up on the bed.  But they didnt have to support me for long. Our girl was ready for her entrance, and after 6 long, hard pushes, she arrived.

And, oh, what a girl! At 5:49 am Elouise Lauren (we pronounce it LO-wren) arrived.  She weighed 9 lbs and measured 20.5 inches, and I just could not wait to have her in my arms.  Sue put her on my chest right away and I was immediately in awe of her wonder and beauty. All her little fingers and toes were perfect.  She had squishy arms and a round belly. Her head was covered in black hair and she had dark, depthless eyes. We called her our little native baby. I looked at Jeff and said, "We did it." And I meant all of us. Together we had accomplished a miraculous thing.

It's hard to put to words what it's like to meet the life you've created and carried. In some ways it's all new and in others, it's greeting an old and dear friend.  I felt strongly connected to Elouise, especially after her birth. It was a privilege to know exactly how much pain and strength it takes to bring a sweet soul into the world, and giving birth to her expanded my existence and generated an all-new strength within me. Marvelously difficult as it was, I wanted and was prepared for the experience, but I wouldn't have made it through without my steady Jeff. He never deviated from our plan and kept me going with his unwavering faith in me. It was a remarkably beautiful birth we all accomplished together and we have a remarkable, beautiful baby to always remind us of our courage that morning.

Introducing Elouise

Hello! I'm Elouise, and I'm two months old today.  To celebrate splendid me, my mama is going to do an Elouise feature all week long, or at least until you're all caught up on little old me and all that has occurred during my 2 months with this crazy family.

Here's what I'm like at two months (according to my adoring mama):
BIG. She looks like a 4 month old and is already wearing 6 month sized clothes and size 2 diapers.  I was so sad when I couldn't squeeze her into all the precious baby things I had stocked up for her, anticipating that she would be a smaller baby than my first. I had to mournfully pack away so many cute outfits that never realized their wearable potential!
SLEEPY. This babe is a fabulous sleeper. The first night we brought her home from the hospital she slept 6 hours straight. Then for another 4. I keep waiting for the day when she turns the infant insomnia corner, but it still hasn't come! (knocking on wooden desk now...)
AGREEABLE.  Louie is so courteous. Not only because she's kind enough to make sure her mama gets some good blocks of sleep at night, but she's also really patient with Sawyer trying to hold her and good at moving from station to station while we all play.  She's bears with patience all the little second child inconveniences we submit her to, well, at least she does until she's runs out of patience....then she communicates very well. Translation: she squawks.  Just a few chirps though, to let me know what she wants.
SMILEY. Girl-a-girl has been smiling since week 2 and has been trying to laugh for the past month (she laughs in her sleep, now she just has to figure out how to do it when she's awake). She is so happy! Her smile is enormous and fills my heart to bursting. Like, literally, I'm so happy I want to weep every time...and it's not the hormones I swear!

Elouise is fantastic. And precious. And just what our family needed. Once again, our babe filled in the cracks we didn't even know our lives had and made our family all the more complete. Even when the days are long and the nights are a little shorter than I can handle, I hold our darling girl and feel so amazingly happy. She's helped to make the last two months of change and transition not only bearable, but joyous. And though babies usually complicate life and come with a built-in emotional/physical roller coaster adjustment time, she's made life easier and better for me, just by being here.  That's pretty significant. Then again, so is she.

Happy 2 months my darling baby.

Well Hello There

Did you miss us? We've got lots to talk about but the computer box is the last lonely box left to unpack, and since I'm not one for blogging from a phone (I confess, I like to see our lives chronicled on the big screen, cuz you know, I never said I wasn't vain) all the juicy updates will have to wait. I just wanted to let you know we're still alive.