On Looking Back and Moving Forward

My high school alma mater was victim to a shooting today. 5 innocent students were shot, and we later heard the terrible news that 3 of the students wouldn't survive the catastrophe. I come from a small, tight-knit community that only just grew large enough to be called a city. It's a lazy, sweet home town with that good old cozy feeling to it, so I found myself in shock this morning when my mama texted me the terrible news. I was astonished that something so terrible and hateful could occur in my treasured home. I kept thinking, "my family lives there, I grew up there, I walked those very halls and spent lunch and study hall in that same cafeteria [where the shootings occured]." When I turned on the news, I saw familiar sights of the high school, nearby elementary school, and town square. I felt sick. "How could something like this happen in such a wonderful place?" I kept asking. And then I cried from pain and sorrow and fear.

You see, a baby changes everything. I can't just think about my past, and I can't just consider my future. My past, present, and future now carry the weight of another precious little soul. I was overwhelmed by the challenge of raising him in what seems to be an ever-darkening world. "Should I homeschool him?" "Where will we live where we can be safe?" "How can I keep him safe as he grows and becomes more independent?" I wondered and wondered half the day.

And then, just like an answer to my heart's prayer, I saw how my tiny Chardon community pulled together in strength to support not only the victims, but reached out to the alleged shooter as well. I witnessed how alumni everywhere burst with Chardon pride. I watched Chardon parents on TV drop everything to run to the school to find their children and make sure they were safe. It seemed everyone was focusing on moving forward and healing the hurt- and that was the example I needed. It was a solid picture of how good is stronger than evil. How love and compassion can guide us, heal us, and ultimately, protect us. I know that with excellent people like those in Chardon, Ohio coupled with my love and strength and guidance as a mother, my lucky boy will be safe throughout his life.

I'm proud to be from Chardon, Ohio. I'm especially proud of the Chardon community. I'm proud to be Sawyer's mama and I accept the challenge of moving forward in life with him.

Lately

We ventured out of the house yesterday! Just the two of us, mama and son! I was nervous the entire time because traveling with a sleeping baby is like a ticking time bomb, he could go off at any moment without a single bit of warning. But I should have known better...this boy is so agreeable, he's more like a sleeping angel than a time bomb and I was able to make it out, around, and back with nary a squeal.

Here's a bit more of what we've been doing lately, "lately" being over the past month:

{my boy, getting ready to come home from the hospital}

{his first day home!}

{snuggling up to the baby whisperer}

{he sleeps like he owns the world, plus, look at that wingspan!}

{Sawyer and mama snuggle and sleep}

{my genius child! he figured out how to hold his binky in the firs day he used it}

{like father, like son}

{baby bok bok head-his little red mullet gets mussed after a good night's sleep}

{a common sight around here}

{he's a tummy time rockstar}

1 whole month

and just in case you need to smile today:

{with faces like this, he's well on his way to becoming like his mama}

Lucky boy is rounding out his first month of life at about 23 inches long and weighing in at over 11 lbs.

He cries for 3 reasons only: if he's hungry, if he needs something new to stare at, or if he hurts. He's an angel child really and a dream of a first child since his cries always communicate his needs, and the short list of needs makes it easy for us rookies to figure out what to do. So far he's been really patient with us, which is a quality he gets from his daddy, not me. Although, patience is growing on me and I'm learning fast with late night and early morning feedings, projectile poo, and husky baby wails being my teacher.

Over the past 4 weeks, many things have changed, not the least of which includes our growing boy. It seems as though he gets bigger each day! I take that as an excuse to cuddle and hold and rock him every chance I get. He's my itty-bitty snuggler and I eat up his little moments because, if I must be honest, even the sight of clothes for 6 month olds makes me cry and hold him a bit closer. I know he'll be a great man someday, but for now he's little baby Soy Boy.