Let's All Bask in Lou, Shall We?

   

   

     

She's strong and she's calm and as sweet as you please.

I hardly even knew what her cry sounded like for the first few weeks of her life. She just never cried. All she wants is milk, sleep, a quickly-changed diaper, and someone to love.

She holds you, wrapping her tiny little arm around your arm and placing her fist by your neck. It's one of the most glorious things in this world.

From the moment I first looked at her, she has looked right into me.  Most babies take a bit time to adjust to looking straight at things, or tracking movements or people with their eyes. Not this baby.  She has tracked and looked and seen since minute one.

She loves to nestle into her hands.  Mostly, she curls them up under her chin and tucks up her arms too, perching like a little precious moments figuring. Oh. Too. Cute.

On the Morning You Were Born

A steady drizzle fell on a quiet December morning as we drove to the birthing center at 2:00 am.  I awoke at 1:30 am with contractions, and though I'd been having on and off periods of contractions with growing intensity since the night before, I felt like it was time to go.  Thankfully! The last few pieces were finally falling into place.

On the drive Jeff and I joked with nervous, jittery excitement about how obliging our little girl was being.  He had asked her to come after his last final on Wednesday night, and I had asked that she come no later than December 19th so we could be home in time for Christmas.  It was the early morning of December 19th as we drove, five hours after Jeff's last final. She was on her way not a day too early, or too soon.  Right on her time.

At the birthing center we were admitted to triage, then quickly transferred to one of only two remaining rooms in the birth center, once they discovered I had dilated to 6 cm.  Jeff and I looked at each other, "over halfway there!" we were both thinking. It was so hard to be still while they collected all the needed information and tried to get my antibiotics in.  They had trouble placing my IV and the nurse ballooned two veins.  She apologized profusely and then called for another nurse to try for a vein in my hand.

When that was finally over, I moved to laboring in the tub-IV tether, baby monitor, and all. As the contractions mounted I felt myself turn inward for strength, rocking in the tub and holding Jeff's hand while he quietly, gently coached me through my relaxation and breathing.  I surprised myself by being a quiet laborer. I was certain I'd be the one making primeval noise loud enough to wake a few long-dead cavemen, but I was much too focused to make any noise; in fact I hardly talked and at one point worried Jeff would be getting bored if I didnt say something soon. I'm pretty sure I cracked a joke-I was also surprisingly full of good humor- gave a smile, then concentrated all my effort on relaxing through contractions with little strength given to anything more.

At 9 cm my midwife moved me to the hospital bed which she positioned to mimic a birthing stool, of sorts. All around nurses rushed to ready the room for baby's arrival, and in my excitement to have made it this far without pain medication, and relief that our baby was almost in my arms, it seemed to me a good time for more jokes. Then Sue (my midwife) broke my water and I immediately felt pressure to push. That was no joke. Pushing was incredibly difficult and took so much pain endurance after already working through labor pains.  I was so exhausted that Jeff and our nurse had to hold me up on the bed.  But they didnt have to support me for long. Our girl was ready for her entrance, and after 6 long, hard pushes, she arrived.

And, oh, what a girl! At 5:49 am Elouise Lauren (we pronounce it LO-wren) arrived.  She weighed 9 lbs and measured 20.5 inches, and I just could not wait to have her in my arms.  Sue put her on my chest right away and I was immediately in awe of her wonder and beauty. All her little fingers and toes were perfect.  She had squishy arms and a round belly. Her head was covered in black hair and she had dark, depthless eyes. We called her our little native baby. I looked at Jeff and said, "We did it." And I meant all of us. Together we had accomplished a miraculous thing.

It's hard to put to words what it's like to meet the life you've created and carried. In some ways it's all new and in others, it's greeting an old and dear friend.  I felt strongly connected to Elouise, especially after her birth. It was a privilege to know exactly how much pain and strength it takes to bring a sweet soul into the world, and giving birth to her expanded my existence and generated an all-new strength within me. Marvelously difficult as it was, I wanted and was prepared for the experience, but I wouldn't have made it through without my steady Jeff. He never deviated from our plan and kept me going with his unwavering faith in me. It was a remarkably beautiful birth we all accomplished together and we have a remarkable, beautiful baby to always remind us of our courage that morning.

Introducing Elouise

Hello! I'm Elouise, and I'm two months old today.  To celebrate splendid me, my mama is going to do an Elouise feature all week long, or at least until you're all caught up on little old me and all that has occurred during my 2 months with this crazy family.

Here's what I'm like at two months (according to my adoring mama):
BIG. She looks like a 4 month old and is already wearing 6 month sized clothes and size 2 diapers.  I was so sad when I couldn't squeeze her into all the precious baby things I had stocked up for her, anticipating that she would be a smaller baby than my first. I had to mournfully pack away so many cute outfits that never realized their wearable potential!
SLEEPY. This babe is a fabulous sleeper. The first night we brought her home from the hospital she slept 6 hours straight. Then for another 4. I keep waiting for the day when she turns the infant insomnia corner, but it still hasn't come! (knocking on wooden desk now...)
AGREEABLE.  Louie is so courteous. Not only because she's kind enough to make sure her mama gets some good blocks of sleep at night, but she's also really patient with Sawyer trying to hold her and good at moving from station to station while we all play.  She's bears with patience all the little second child inconveniences we submit her to, well, at least she does until she's runs out of patience....then she communicates very well. Translation: she squawks.  Just a few chirps though, to let me know what she wants.
SMILEY. Girl-a-girl has been smiling since week 2 and has been trying to laugh for the past month (she laughs in her sleep, now she just has to figure out how to do it when she's awake). She is so happy! Her smile is enormous and fills my heart to bursting. Like, literally, I'm so happy I want to weep every time...and it's not the hormones I swear!

Elouise is fantastic. And precious. And just what our family needed. Once again, our babe filled in the cracks we didn't even know our lives had and made our family all the more complete. Even when the days are long and the nights are a little shorter than I can handle, I hold our darling girl and feel so amazingly happy. She's helped to make the last two months of change and transition not only bearable, but joyous. And though babies usually complicate life and come with a built-in emotional/physical roller coaster adjustment time, she's made life easier and better for me, just by being here.  That's pretty significant. Then again, so is she.

Happy 2 months my darling baby.

Well Hello There

Did you miss us? We've got lots to talk about but the computer box is the last lonely box left to unpack, and since I'm not one for blogging from a phone (I confess, I like to see our lives chronicled on the big screen, cuz you know, I never said I wasn't vain) all the juicy updates will have to wait. I just wanted to let you know we're still alive.

A Happy Ending

{all that hard work makes a man tired}

Jeff will wrap up 12 semesters of one heck of a grueling major this week.  You could never convince me that there's a harder undergrad than Electrical Engineering.  It's really been nothing but long, hard work full of lab hours, project hours, hours and hours and hours and hours of homework, class hours, hours and hours in the testing center...and on top of that he's been a supportive husband to a cancer-stricken, pregnant (twice), over-achieving, and loving wife who has selfish desires for all his non-school hours and then some.  Oh and I have mentioned he's not only worked to support himself the entire time, but also his family. He's stinking amazing.

There are some important pieces of information regarding the student experience that a transcript can't show. If they could, he'd be the stand-out student.  

Though some aspects and advantages of our current lifestyle we're going to miss, we're excited to move on from this stage of life and try out some of that great, big world.  Thankfully, Jeff will have a week or two of hard-earned Christmas-show watching and napping on the couch to recover before we venture into the wild yonder of America's workforce.

38 weeks

I was hoping to take a picture in the hospital this week....but someone isn't listening to my nearly incessant urging to come out, come out so I can hold you. I have a pretty wild imagination, but even I can't dream that womb into a cozy cottage for her right now- it is remarkably tight and roomless- I have no idea why she insists on hanging in there longing than her brother did.  Who ever heard of a second baby coming later than a first? All this extra waiting and anticipation is driving me bonkers (read: making me a tad crabby). Technically she still has 2 weeks to go before she's late and absolutely has to come, so I haven't resorted to any reckless, get-this-baby-out schemes, and I don't want to be too pushy, but little darling, won't you please come out soon?
Like, very much as soon as possible and not a second later.

There it is, That Magic of Christmas

  

I pulled out my nativity set and no sooner had I set it up and walked away than my Mr. Inquisitive swooped in to investigate.  He picked up each piece, eyed it carefully, greeted it with a hello, then set it aside as he selected the next manger scene participant to share some light conversation with him.  After his short interview process, he decided he liked the bear and bunnies and baby Jesus best, and everyone else got a whole heap of bear to the face.  He broke some pieces with eager ferocity.  Others were knocked and whacked aside by the more aggressive manger creatures, and even Mary and Joseph were mauled and chased by the bear, but never the baby.  That was encouraging :).  All of the animals ended up being good friends by the end of the night, exchanging all the niceties that an almost 2-year-old can dream up (something like: buffalo to horse, "Hi." Horse to buffalo, "Hi." Bear to eagle, [whack] "Saw-ee bird. Aiiight?" Bear to bunnies, "'Mon, bunny, run."). It was fabulous. My mama heart is going to cradle his first moments with that little nativity and relive them every year I pack and unpack them, and every year it will usher in some of that sweet, innocent, magic of Christmas.

37 weeks

A collections of things from 37 weeks:

Mmmm....cereal.  I would eat it all day every day if it covered all my food groups.

Peanut butter-delish. Peanut butter cereal......oh yes! Great way to start the day. And end it.

I'm nesting once again. Cleaning, making lists, finalizing baby crafts, setting up for the holidays, and getting ready to pack those hospital bags.

Jeff, on the other hand, is anti-nesting.  He doesn't want to do any baby raindancing until my mom gets here next week so he's refusing to pack his bag, won't set the bassinet up next to the bed, and definitely will not put the car seat in the car.

I'd do all these things for him, but I feel huge and lumber a bit when I walk. Little baby girl likes to ride low these days, right around my bladder-which is her favorite pillow or punching bag, depending.  Beyond that, I'm already dilated to 3 cm and 70% effaced, so combine that with my daily red raspberry tea drinking and birth ball bouncing and I should probably just take it easy myself.

We'll just be staying close to home from now on, enjoying the comfort of our normal routine as a family of three and counting the days until we embark on our journey as a family of four.

Christmas Must Be Coming

A fresh snowfall and busy, grinding snowplows greeted us this morning. Just yesterday we were at the park wearing jackets and playing in leaves, and now we're covered in 8 inches of pure white snow.  We couldn't leave it untouched for long, though, so Sawyer, Bear and I bundled in whatever winter clothes we could find that would fit (it seems everyone has had a growth spurt lately, well, except Bear...he could still fit in Sawyer's old socks) and headed out to brave the winter precipitation.

One of my favorite things about snow is how it dampens all sounds as it falls, creating a blanketed world and making it all feel calm and peaceful. It's cozy in a cold, but snug, kind of way. Another favorite aspect- it means Christmas is on its way. With that in mind, I took it upon myself to break the quiet and hum and mumble along to "It Snowed" by Meaghan Smith as it played in my head over and over.

Lucky Boy's First Christmas Tree

I must confess, I thought our excursion to find Sawyer's first real Christmas tree would go a little differently. Something like the wonder-filled, awed-by-merely-the-atmosphere-of-Christmas, illuminated-face-lit-by-the-magic-of-Christmas image that you'd find on a Hallmark card. But we lost Sawyer as we drove past Petsmart and he cried out "Shishi," thinking we were going to look at the fishies, and after we brought him back to earth from that notion, he ran right past the rows of trees to the snow shovels, then through two sliding doors to the lawn mowers, heck he even bee-lined it for the fertilizer.  I realize that Lowe's is not the most magical, Christmas-y place to search out a tree, but I had hoped for at least some kind of acknowledgement that there were trees in the building.

Finally, we rounded up all the scattered bits of his attention with a wheely cart that he could push the tree on and really fired up the Christmas spirit when we hoisted him high enough to watch the trunk get trimmed with a chainsaw. But the real magic of the trip? That was when we loaded our 6-ft plus Christmas into the back of our car, bungeed the top down, and walked over to Petsmart to see all the fish.

For the record, Jeff and I are in love with the fabulous, most evenly-shaped tree that we picked out ourselves. It's pretty grand.